Wow, you came early this year. Usually we don't see you for a few more weeks. It is nice that you came to town for Christmas, as it makes it feel so Christmasy. However, I have some issues right now that we need to discuss.
First of all, could you take at least one day off to let the sun come out and melt what you left the day before? You are making it really hard to get around, especially since we still haven't bought chains for our cars. Now they are sold out and we keep spinning out and getting stuck. I will thank you for letting me prove to Jason that I can drive better than him in the snow, however, as I was the one who got us out of the alley and into the garage finally. But really, too much of you around. We live on a hill, remember? You and hills just don't mix.
Second, we should have been enjoying Christmas with Jason's family in Iowa right now. However because of all the ruckus you've caused, we'll be stuck here with no tree and already opened presents. Though it will still be a good Christmas since we will be together as a family, you really threw a wrench in things. Do you know how long ago we bought those plane tickets? And how much we were looking forward to seeing the Iowa family? And how long I spent packing last night for no good reason. Yes, I'll say it: I really hate you right now.
There is so much of you that you're not even fun to play with. Taylor doesn't like you anymore because you are so deep that he can't walk and gets frustrated. Jason doesn't like that you are only around when it is freezing outside. And I'm so sick I'd much rather be in bed than out playing with you.
All this to say, we like you for a day, maybe even two, but more than that and you begin to outstay your welcome. Why don't you go back to the mountains where you belong. We'll visit you there when we feel like it.
Rachel (bitter about her busted Christmas plans) Jenkins
P.S. Don't even think about coming back in the spring time like last year. Then you'll really be in trouble!